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How The NBA Can Give Fair Home-Court Advantage in Orlando

The stage is set for the remainder of the NBA season, starting July 31st we will be getting nonstop basketball from the 22 teams that are either a) in the playoffs or b) within 4 games of a playoff spot. All these games will be played in beautiful Orlando, the city that known anti-semite, Walt Disney, built. One point of contention that has been brought up is, how will the higher seeds be rewarded if traditional home-court is not an option? Well, the NBA has thrown around some ideas, and let me tell you, they are terrible. So I have taken it upon myself to improve upon these suggestions, to give the higher seeds a true home-court advantage for their game played in your weirdest friend’s favorite vacation spot.

Per Dave McMenamin of ESPN, these scenarios included:

  • NBA: The higher-seeded team being awarded the first possession of the second, third, and fourth quarters, following the traditional jump ball to begin the game.
    • Better ideas
      • Traditional jump ball to start every quarter, and referee always tosses the jump ball slightly towards the home player. Like the way your rec league referees do it.
      • The home team can follow soccer inbounding rules, and flip throws are encouraged
      • The home team is allowed to attempt a shot on all inbounds plays.
  • NBA: The higher-seeded team being allowed to designate one player to be able to be whistled for seven fouls instead of six before fouling out.
    • Better ideas
      • The home team is allowed to designate one player to be able to say absolutely anything to the opposing players, referees, and players’ families in the days leading up to the contest.
      • The home team is allowed to designate one player to be able to commit flagrant fouls with impunity.
      • The home team is allowed to designate one assistant coach to be all time defense.
  • NBA: The higher-seeded team receiving an extra coach’s challenge.
    • Better ideas
      • The home team’s coach gets only has to participate in sideline interviews with a hologram of Craig Sager.
      • The home team’s coach receives a comically long vaudeville hook that he can use to pull opposing players off the court.
      • The away team has one chair removed from their bench at the end of every quarter, forcing a gradually more competitive game of musical chairs.
  • NBA: The higher-seeded teams being able to transport their actual hardwood home court from their arenas to Orlando to try to preserve the feel of their home playing experience.
    • Better ideas
      • The home team is able to request a cardboard cutout of any celebrity fan of their choosing.
      • The home team is able to bring their own PA announcer, who can heckle the away team at will.
      • The home team can force the away team to change their clocks to the home team’s time zone, for 24 hours leading up to game time. *Away team are prohibited from skirting this rule by updating phones to run on military time*
  • NBA: An off-court feature in which playoff teams, in order of seeding 1-16, receive first choice on picking which hotel they will stay at in the ESPN Wide World of Sports Complex and Disney World Resort. ESPN is owned by the Walt Disney Co.
    • Better ideas
      • The home team is able to hire the Disney characters of their choosing to be the full time security escort for the away team. The actors must never break character.
      • The home team is provided the phone number for the manager of the Pizza Hut in Salt Lake City, who poisoned Michael Jordan before the “Flu Game”.
      • The away team required to wear masks that resemble Donald Duck’s bill.

Adam Silver, make the right decision.

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